Short Dialogues with Inanimate Objects

By ned * Other ned Posts

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Ned:   I know this is kinda awkward.  (looks shyly away)  You might remember me. We used to hang out ... like a year ago.  I really liked your unfiltered tap water and I was kinda hoping we could hang out for a night.  

 

The City of New York:  Ned, you were great.  Really you were.  But San Francisco! For all of this (New York shakes its "Bronx" in a sassy manner)!  I mean even Mets fans feel pity for the A's ... Knicks fans look down on the Golden State Warriors! 

 

Ned:  Its not like I am asking you to marry me.  Come on! It would be fun.  We can even go above 14th street?   

 

The City of New York:  I dunno.  You hurt me real good, Ned.  When you sang New York, New York at Sing Sing Karaoke - I thought it was going to last, well, forever.

 

Ned:  (Bats eyelashes)  Just a night?  I know how you miss my puns. Plus I have something that belongs to you.

 

The City of New York:  Ok, fine.  whatever.  Just as long as I get my "I HEART NY" t-shirt back.  

 

Ned: No problem

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War Telegram STOP

Dear Right Argyle Sock, STOP

The Secretary of the Wardrobe has asked me to express his deepest regrets that your life partner is believed to be lost in action.  STOP

Your sole mate has been reported Missing-in-Action at the Lucy Garbello Laundrymat on Grant Street in San Francisco since May 15th.  Remains matching the description of a left blue argyle sock (size 9-12) have yet to be found. STOP

When we receive more information, you will be promptly notified.  The Secretary extends his deepest sympathy to you and your sock brethren of all shapes and colors in your tragic loss. STOP

 

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Dear Mr. Young,

I am submitting a formal complaint regarding your patronage in me this past Thursday.

Your attire was simply unbecoming for the Happy Fun Time Burger establishment.  Just because you wear a nehru collared shirt, birkenstocks, and John Lennon glasses does not make you an intellectual who is able to comment on the finer points of hamburgery.  Your inane babel on the cultural role of Iron Man 2 certainly doesn’t either.

The dishes you ordered were banal at best.  American is a poor man’s muenster and “tartar” is not more elegant or "new age." You might as well have bitten into a petri dish of ecoli and ordered a side of lawsuits to save us the trouble. 

Given your stupidity and the costs we incurred in lost brand equity, I would like to request that you either pay us more money or serve us a free meal.  This is fair compensation for the disservice you did to the rest of our clientele by your mere existence. 

Have a good life.

Happily Fun-Timely Yours,

The Happy Fun Time Burger at Grant and Vallejo  

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Dear light blue urbane/euro cut polo,

Please don't hate me because I have spilled on you every time I have worn you.

I found you on that discount rack in the summer of 2008. But just because you were on sale, baby, doesn't mean there is a percentage off my love for you.

 

I hurt you because its how i show my love. So let me apply my tide stick and make everything better.

XOXO,

Neddy-cakes

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Dear Mr. Young

I wish to provide you a consultation on a condition which has been painfully brought to my attention.

The levels of methane gas trapped in my cushions over the past week suggest the high probability of an irritable bowel; the peanut scent suggests over-consumption of Thai. 

Just because I was your grandparents's possession does not mean that I find it acceptable that you have their gaseous schedule.

As I lack specialized medical credentials to formally appraise your situation, I recommend you get a second opinion from your bedsheets.

This recommendation is covered by your health insurance in a literal sense.  Your unopened mail from the past month is sitting on my left cushion. 

From,

Your Couch, M.D.

Contrasts

By ned * Other ned Posts

The song Taps has always struck me as too familiar.  Like Happy Birthday or the Jeopardy theme song, whatever delectable musical feast is behind it has been beaten to common mush. Overplayed in culture, when I hear the familiar melody I glaze over. Change my focus. Review tasks. Scan the crowd. Until it passes.  Perhaps with the exception of one time about a month ago.   

Given my grandfathers rank at the end of World War II, we could have had a gun salute if we wanted.  My family declined given how that might appear in the courtyard of a church closely woven into a suburban fabric.  We opted instead for an honor guard to ceremoniously fold the flag of a nation my grandfather cherished.  Opted to honor him with a lone trumpeter playing Taps.  Somehow that was fitting for a man rich in character but unencumbered by extravagance. 

As the trumpeter played, the richness of his tone matched the richness of color on his brass instrument as the sun bounced off the metal into the chapel.  The light highlighted something for me.  On display in Ohio in early March was an event that Northern California - for all its splendor - can never have.  I came to Ohio after one of the dreariest February's.  Central Ohio had more snow in February 2010 than in any other February in recorded history.

Yet, somehow, on the day of my short-notice flight home, the sun shone and never let up while I was there.  The contrast of seasonal change was startling.  Daffodils burst from the ground next to patches of melting snow. 

I always associated my grandfather with the spring.  His birthday is today, April 14th.  These new beginnings of spring give you bounce in your step and license to shed one layer of clothing with smug pride.  My grandfather did so at that opportunity and always enriched himself with the outdoors.  It is more than fitting too that Easter is the holiday of the spring.  The revolution of the climate during the season reminds us that change beyond what we immediately experience in the starkness of winter is possible.  By embracing spring, we better understand the limits observation alone can reveal to us.

The song Taps for my grandfather highlighted another contrast.  It is a surreal experience to be with someone as they take their last breath.  In embracing his passing, I came to a better understanding of life.  Its richness and wonder.  Even in the most common things. Common Songs. Common changes of the seasons. 

Progress Questioned?

By ned * Other ned Posts

Simply put, David Cross makes me laugh. From the envelop pushing skits of Mr. Show to the unwitting innuendo’s and “never nude”-ness of Tobias Funke, Cross has been pushing comedy irreverently forward for almost 20 years. On stage, his leftist charged, cynical, matter-of-fact stand up style even gets a chuckle from this right-of-center optimist.  Off stage, he pushes other comics to not simply appease the masses.   However, I might not fully agree with everything he says for reasons you might not expect.

“It was written thousands of years ago … when people were even dumber than we are today … Go outside and wait for the bars to empty out, watch Fox TV, and realize the Bible was written by people even dumber than these m&@#?+f&%$ers”

Religious commentary aside, statements like this seems like ideas more easily conveyed before 9/11, the rise of the War on Terror and the stock market challenges of the past months. The optimism and economic opportunities of the 90’s reaffirmed our belief in the progress of society. Since the Scientific Revolution, one could say Western Society has clung to the idea of Progress. Today must be better than yesterday or else we are failing as a society.  Underneath Cross's commentary is that assumption.

From my vantage point, our ideas on Progress are being re-evaluated on the whole. Recent socio-political events, economic recessions and environmental challenges call into question the path society is walking.  By reevaluating our current trajectory, it allows us to look on the past from a different perspective.  Several books of the past few years have spoken about the past with a degree of reverence and its people with appreciation that you certainly wouldn’t find in Heart of Darkness colonial times and perhaps not 1995.

In Guns, Germs, and Steel, Jared Diamon takes a geographically deterministic view of how certain ideas and societies have come to dominate others. Implicit throughout the book is the idea that peoples of the past or of a less technological advanced state were not necessarily less bright. The ideas and resources that they had access to were just different. His studies of the remote peoples of Papau New Guinea revealed a society more cognizant of the nuances of nature than he would ever be. He was amazed at the intricacies of their understanding of their environment.

Karen Armstrong’s book the Case for God has a somewhat misleading title in that based on her logic God’s existence can likely never be rationally proved. Throughout the book she makes the argument that many of our current practices of religion have moved away from the role religion has played throughout our society. Her concepts are fairly complex. However, in a nutshell, she argues that religion through practice and ritual helps us to cope with inexplicable. Consequently, reason is inherently challenged when fulfilling the role of religion. Additionally, religion is ill-equipped to handle the investigations better left for reason. She argues that since the Scientific Revolution Western society has been looking to religion to help in the scientific dialogue when before distinct boundaries were made between mythos and logos. In a way, her book claims that our religion should to a degree look back to better fulfill its role for people.

Each of these books approaches past peoples with reverence. One might say that they are indirectly challenging the idea of progress. However, I believe humanity is continuing on a path of growth and improvement. Perhaps it is because I am the eternal optimist. Perhaps though it is because through this present lens we are now able to appreciate and learn from humanity’s past to improve our future. Jared Diamon and Karen Armstrong would presumably agree.

The Antiquated Game

By ned & by Guest Co-Author Word Gnome * Other ned Posts

The American Squash Society is attempting all out war to win over the hearts and minds of a new generation of squash fans and players.

Squash reached its height of popularity in the Victorian era. The four walls of the squash court seemed to embody the trapped emotions most felt; the black ball matched their outfits. The modern name "squash" also comes from this time period as its original name "Butternuts" was too suggestive.

However, the game fell out of favor when it became the game of Herbert Hoover and no bailout has brought it back since. The seventies were perhaps the low point when the professional game lost its sponsorship by a single malt distillery and had to rely on support from a manufacturer of blends. But with modern techniques the A.S.S. feels it can reach people it could not before - perhaps even as far south as Paramus.

One failed effort to spread its renown in New York City was Squash!, the recent scratch ticket lotto game. The ticket came in all white except after Labor Day. Winning tickets returned without protective eyewear were voided.

The game produced an outcry in country clubs from Larchmont to Montauk. They never would have wished that their beloved “antiquated game” be simply given to the masses. An alternative method was needed and a debate rages on.

“If the game is played in great concentration by the wealthy, it will certainly trickle down to the masses,” stated William K. Pinniford IV, varsity player at Cornell majoring in Hotel Management.

Others support improving the games image through charity work. However, recent efforts have not proven successful. A.S.S. recently tried to send squash balls and racquets to Haiti, but the gift was turned down by Former President Bush who said "We don't need trinkets. Just send cash." Executives at Disney - avid squash players themselves - have been filtering through applications for Extreme Makeover: Home Edition to find the right candidate to build a squash court in a home to no avail.

However, there has been some luck with product placements. Thanks to a hefty check, Paris Hilton never leaves home with out herbedazzeld squash ball earrings. Also, a video of the "chocolate rain" YouTube sensation playing squash in a Tron man outfit under a cloud of Diet Coke - Mentos explosions has gone viral.

A.S.S.'s efforts do appear to be making some gains. Martini sales around Grand Central Station - a traditional positive indicator of squash's popularity - have soared in recent months. With any luck, a new generation of players will come up, perhaps even children prepping in public schools with dreams of going to Swarthmore or Kenyon.

- - - - -
The is of course satire and the names and organizations are made up.

The authors - let it be known - enjoy the game of squash and actually came up with this premise while playing a spirited match. 

Traditional By-products

By ned * Other ned Posts
 
The holiday season encourages a variety of activities that inertia would otherwise cause us to ignore or avoid. We all tend to look at our bank balances in early January only to feel like a ho-ho-ho as unexpected gifts and splurges take their toll (the Yule Log dvd excluded). We fill our homes with green despite it being a stark season. We interact with family members close, distant, delightful and curmudgeon.

By-products though of the forced family interactions are the stories that come up about your fore-bearers that otherwise would go unnoticed. We hear stories that we would probably sooner forget of our grandparent and parents in their twenties. Vivid descriptions of times spent on family retreats or at a relative's home that predates your birth or ability to experience. Personality flaws and strengths are exposed of adults that were overlooked when we were idolizing children - ultimately making the connection and bonds we share stronger.

Coupled with these traditions are those of another mortal construct, the end of the college football season. This past weekend bowl bound programs finally stamped their tickets and fans and players of the other teams forgot the completed season even happened. Akin to honored family gatherings, the bowl system itself grows organically and justifies itself on tradition. Although the bowls the spoils of a season, perhaps more tradition rich are the rivalry games that take place at the end of each season before bowl selection Sunday. If you grew up in Columbus, Ohio; Auburn, Alabama; New Haven, Connecticut; Corvallis, Oregon or a host of other college towns you would be hard pressed to disagree with me.

Family stories and college football rivalry games became intertwined for me this year at the Thanksgiving table. My mother shared with us her account of her first Yale-Harvard football game, aka The Game, and meeting my father's college buddies for the first time. The course of the actual day were fine, but leading up to the event my mom was concerned about what she had gotten herself into.

Ms. Porter, another product of Columbus, grew up on the traditions of Ohio State football games, an environment where wholesome midwestern tailgating food, beer and values blended with sitting next to a father swearing at silver helmets. She assumed though that Yale-Harvard (best read with your nose in the air and an ascot around your neck) might require a different approach. Wanting to make a good impression, she was open to advice on how to conduct herself.

"So, what should i wear to the game?" my mother asked a high school friend who was one of the first women to attend Yale.

"Do you have a fur coat?"

Startled, the future Mrs. Young responded "I guess I can get one out of storage, but I have a leather jacket."

"Well, I guess that will do."

With one conversation, my mother was now expecting to have to find her place in a setting straight out of a New Yorker cartoon next to the likes of Montgomery Burns - quite a change from the sweatshirt clad crew in the Horseshoe. Unfortunately, the concern about being a fish out of water was only exasperated when she picked up a nice tureen as elegant tailgating food to impress.

"Oh, this will be perfect for the Yale-Harvard game," the cook exclaimed. Just what she wanted to hear to goad on her fears.

Like my father, I ended up becoming a son of Eli. But despite this legacy status, I think my experience with The Game is more like my mother's. My class was the first class since the war, with that war being the Great War, to never experience a Yale victory. The only reason that that class did not see the bulldogs victorious was because they did not play the game in 1919. Like my mother, my experience with The Game was somewhat rocky. However in the end, we both came out winners - perhaps for reasons we did not initially anticipate.

Sitting at us at the Thanksgiving table as she recounted this story were close friends who were at my mother's first Yale game, one of my father's college roommates and his family who have been coming to our Thanksgiving for years. Despite that bumpy start, my mother has gotten personal friendships with impact and depth beyond the Yale Bowl. That maybe the moral of these cold weather traditions: through Thanksgivings, Christmas Mornings, football games or playing catch, the traditions of sport and holidays both force us to behave differently and in a group setting. The end result is not the traditions themselves but a greater connection with the past and with each other. In this way, traditions are more of a vehicle for interpersonal connection than celebrations of the event of the moment.

However that point does have its exceptions. For instance, there is the exception of how I ended up benefiting from the Yale-Harvard game. I ended up witnessing a victory despite the result on the field. But not on the football field. But by having my class get the last word over hahvahd in my senior year game.



Happy Holidays and Bow Wow Wow!

I'm accustomed to a smooth ride

By ned * Other ned Posts

Certain musicians craft lyrics fitting to comfort the uneasiness of a particular moment. For me, one artist has showcased this talent repeatedly without my searching him out to do so. There is no doubt of Paul Simon’s acclaim as poetic lyricist supreme, but I would like to add one more accolade to his resume – troubadour of serendipitous soothing.


In regards to social relevance, the moments have gone been beyond stumbling on "The Only Living Boy in New York" while jogging through Manhattan to blow off some steam. I first noticed this skill when I saw him perform at Yale’s Tercentenniel celebration in the fall of 2001. The occasion glorified a history of achievement of a grand institution but felt at times surreal and out of touch with the mood of times; the dust had not settled on tragedy 80 miles away in lower Manhattan. The ceremony was out of touch that is until honorary Yale grad, Paul Simon, performed “Bridge over Troubled Water” - a song where the performer reaches out his hand to give his audience strength against adversity.

Fast forwarding a few years, last year America was at the peak of anxiety over an economic recession. Fear about the overall direction of the economy was at its highest fervor in the fall – especially in my home of Manhattan where big banks are king. Personally, my employer had just gone out of business. Out of nowhere Paul Simon pops into my life again to stir up positive emotions.  Promoting a new book, Simon sung “American Tune” on the Colbert Report. By selecting to perform this classic, he broke some of the tension of the times. The song does not shy away from the real hardships in life but is ultimately to me a song of hope.  Its thesis is what you truly need will always be provided, a perspective lacking at the time.




There is one personal exception to this association of Paul Simon and unexpected comfort and joy: whenever I pack to head back to my native land of Columbus, Ohio, I always reach for the song “Homeward Bound.” As I fold – read crumple – my t-shirts into my bag, images from a Saturday Night Live video, baggage on a carousel as well as a lick to the face by a cruel alarm clock known as the family’s lab run through my mind with the song in the background.


Somehow the act of selecting “Homeward Bound” as the fanfare for my triumphal returns fits the occasions. Just as I select a song, I make a choice to return home. Just as I listen to the song, going home is a deliberate act to surround myself with the comforts of the familiar. The images they both extract on first blush are the stuff Hallmark Cards are made of.

Given the simplicity of that depiction of the emotions of going home, perhaps familiarity alone is not the entirety of what creates the comfort of returning home. Part of it may be more like my "American Tune" experience than I realize as I pack. There are unexpected surprises including delightful conversation, particularly good slicing of the turkey, and new traditions. Although overshadowed by the familiar, these unexpected nuances are what make each return memorable and special.

So in all likelihood your joys and comforts this holiday season will be the result of circumstance and conviction, of surprise and sameness. I certainly hope they are plentiful – even while just listening to music on shuffle with your ticket to your destination.

Searching for Baker Street

By ned * Other ned Posts

Robert Downey Jr breathes life into a variety of different characters. When contrasted with more serious roles in Chaplin and the Soloist, his comedic role in Tropic Thunder perhaps best demonstrates his versatility and ability to garner critical praise. As his next conquest, he has recently been paired in the new Sherlock Holmes movie with Jude Law -- whom I have kept my eye out for ever since his chilling portrayal in the Road to Perdition. But, the casting was not the cause of my initial excitement for the upcoming Sherlock Holmes movie. Not since 2001's Gosford Park have the masses been able to enjoy a good mystery on the big screen (please feel free to correct me and Dana Carvey's Master of Disguise does not count). Moreover to my personal stake, I consider myself to be a casual fan of mysteries. Yes, if given the options on the little screen of America's Best Dance Crew, Family Guy or the BBC's Sherlock Holmes of the 80's on PBS, I will probably turn to the sleuth of Baker Street. As with any story though, there is a twist; my heart sank when I heard the movie was directed by Guy Ritchie and saw this preview.



This is not to say that I have not enjoyed Guy Ritchie movies in the past. Snatch and Lock, Stock, & Two Smoking Barrels stimulate the senses. They keep you on your toes while cutting quickly to visually interesting shots, to graphic violence, or to dryly witful situations. These Guy Ritchie movies feel at times like a cinematic love child between Pulp Fiction and Ocean's Eleven. With comparisons such as this, you can assume they are enjoyable for what they are. Needless to say though, neither the flashy aesthetic nor the jarring pacing was likely what Sir Aurthur was trying to create with a cognitive, mysterious gumshoe in Victorian England. If the past Ritchie and the preview are any indication, it is probably safe to say the new Holmes will be a new take on an old friend.

This take potentially speaks to a larger trend. Without recent examples of mysteries coming to mind, the new Sherlock Holmes and like movies are missing the mystery, intrigue, and deliberate action of a rich tradition of movies from film noir to Hitchcock. So apparently Downey can bring to life a variety of characters but not a genre. Whether Rear Window or the Maltese Falcon, some of AFI's top 100 movies unravel a conundrum of illicit affairs in dark subtle shrouds of intrigue. Apparently though, these movies do not fit into the profit formula for the production studios of today.

Perhaps, I am being too harsh and these types movies have just been replaced by comparable choices. With that said, there may be a few general alternatives today in lieu of the classic whodunnit. Just as a mystery builds to an ah-ha moment, there are the recent twisters that try to build to the revelation at the end of the movie - see the Usual Suspects or every M. Knight Shyamalan movie. You also have the prime time CSI crime shows. However - maybe with the exception of the show Monk - today's examples all seem different to me. Their plots are driven much more by short scenes and flashy science visuals than by the dialogue or subtlety that you need to pay attention to in say, Vertigo.

There may be a few explanations for this trend. On the supply side, perhaps film makers of yesteryear had greater ties to the craft of the theater. On the stage action needs to rely on more plot points and dialogue as opposed to visuals, explosions and editing which are techniques that have have developed over the history of film making. Perhaps demonstrative of this tie to the theater, most of the action of the classic Rear Window appears to happen on a single set that could be transplanted onto a stage. A Sherlock Holmes or Sam Spade who is an astute observer of words and simple actions would be more at home in this type of small set than an expansive one where he is dodging massive explosions.

On the demand side, our attention spans crave shorter burst and are less willingness to engage detail than earlier movie audiences. We are a generation of iPods shufflers, channel changers, and twitterati. Its hard to deny that our media exposure is gradually being consumed in shorter and shorter bursts. Thus, to keep with the pacing of our lives, movies need to appeal to our senses through quick changes. For examples of this look to the commercial success of the Oceans Eleven franchise, Get Shorty, and Kill Bill.

Lastly, there is a factor that would impact the consumer as well as the producer. In our society, greatness is not defined usually from repeating the old but creating something new. On the flip side consumers tend to search for newness. Thus, the makers want something fresh as much as the takers. The mysteries of old are familiar; they certainly do not satisfy that need. However, although that might be the case, I think I will sit this block buster out. Instead, I will seek out the familiar, taking in Holmes around the couch instead of in stadium seating.

A Defining Moment

By ned * Other ned Posts

Individuals, movements, and institutions often define themselves against their adversaries. The Cold War allowed Capitalists to delight in their freedoms and Communists to lament the West’s frivolities. Barack Obama defined himself as pragmatic and multilateral to contrast with the idealism and unilateralism of the Bush years. Yale and Ohio State necessarily have to take on the mantle of superiority and good looks when contrasted with their respective archrivals. Lastly, Kate Gosslin’s hair juxtaposes itself with a mullet.

One of the political trends of 2009 has been the cult personality and devotees surrounding the Fox News host Glenn Beck. From promoting Tea Parties, to shameful use of the race card (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qxLJVVhcDqE), to bating Birthers, Beck - as well as others on talk radio and Fox News - has struck a cord with a populist, disenchanted, and disempowered thread of conservative America. As we have seen over these months, many of the out-pourings from this group - although genuine - have at times shown a darker side of American public discourse.

After a summer when these personalities and words steered the conservative ideological narrative, many moderates and traditional conservatives are now standing up to this negative and potentially dangerous rhetoric. David Brooks powerfully argued in an op-ed a few weeks ago that the Republicans should not be swayed by the fake power of Beck and his cronies (http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/02/opinion/02brooks.html). Bob Dole recently chided some of the adversarial rhetoric to health care reform on the right and advised for engagement on the issue – perhaps the most important domestic debate of our time (http://www.kansascity.com/340/story/1496048.html). Lindsey Graham also added to the chorus of individuals critiquing Beck and his brand cynicism. For Senator Graham, Beck is not the embodiment of the conservative movement (http://themoderatevoice.com/48584/lindsey-graham-blasts-glenn-beck/)

However, what is behind the cynicism that empowers Beck is a reactionary movement as well. This reaction is being pushed by bigger forces in the public’s discourse than what is driving the anti-Beckites. From deficit spending to a stimulus bill that has in the short term correlated with falling employment rates to fear over death panels, for many Government is moving at an alarming pace into new roles and a broader scope. Through these actions by a Democratic Congress and President, a group of Republicans have been fighting for the GOP to become defined as the “Party of No.” Pushing this brand, Pat Toomey, Senator DeMint and others see the party as a necessary restraint and opposing force to government in a time of potential excess. (NB: to further elaborate on this movement, I highly recommend this New Yorker article if you can get your hands on it - http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2009/09/28/090928fa_fact_boyer)

Given the policies of Obama, Pelosi and Reid and the spending of the Bush administration, Republicans defining themselves this way can create a very poignant and sticky message. My concern though is that this direction is one of negativity, fear, and, as we are seeing with the health care debate, disengagement. If you are the “Party of No,” the path of least resistance is to shake your fist at your opponent as opposed to shaking his hand. You are more inclined to political victories in other's defeats than minor gains through compromise that actually impact the public.

I certainly applaud the efforts of Brooks, Graham and others who have stood up to potentially powerful interests and ideas on their side of the aisle. But, those actions only move the ball so far against the tide of cynicism and fear within the right of center circles. To be more powerful than the “Party of No,” moderates and others on the right need to contrast themselves not only against Glenn Beck but also articulate an easily understood ideology that could be applied to a policy or a movement. Perhaps the challenge is to reform the idea of “No” to something more positive and engaging. To something that embraces protecting liberties but also recognizes that government has some role to play, such as with defense or protecting citizens from government bodies or, yes, maybe even health care.

Through this change in rhetoric and engagement, the Republican Party could redefine itself not as a party of “no, you shouldn’t” but to a party of “yes, we are” to take on the high expectations set by an adversary of “yes, we can” in 2012.

The Beatles vs. the Dreyfus Affair: Cures for Modern Civility?

By ned * Other ned Posts

The New Yorker avoids discussing video games like Tom Wolfe avoids color. The pastime associates itself with passive couch potato adolescents and not academic Park Avenuers. The 64-bit art generally appeals to groundlings through violence and sport as opposed to the aristocrats through wit and reflective storylines. Therefore, it would be difficult to spin out multi-thousand word essays appealing to an audience of private university graduates over the age of 40.

However, the recent production of the Beatles edition of Rock Band may have provided the monocle clad authors that opportunity to delve into the jargon of joysticks. The Beatles provide baby boomer appeal and Rock Band has proved to be an interesting phenomenon. It has created a potential new channel to sell music for the struggling music industry and the game has cultivated a new fan base for waning rock when hip hop had seen a dominant rise in popularity. Moreover, because it is the Beatles, there is the ability to tap into a vein that spans generations and is somehow bigger culturally than anything else ... some might even say Jesus.

However, with only a scant entry on its online blog, the editors of The New Yorker have stuck to their guns the past few weeks – often through articles referencing esoteric events of the past as opposed to cult followings of the present. One such article reviews a book that recounts the Dreyfus Affair and highlights its relevance for the current socio-political climate (The Dreyfus Affair: A Chronological History by George R. Whyte).

We all remember the Dreyfus Affair. Dreyfus, a Jew in the military, was court martial for treason, stripped of his titles in rushed proceedings, and persecuted to the delight of a loudly anti-Semitic faction in late 19^th century France. Eventually Dreyfus was reinstated, those who persecuted him punished and the institutions of the modern Western state vindicated as liberal, pluralistic, and fair.

However, the New Yorker writer points out that the book focuses not on the event as part of the anti-Semitism narrative that darkened the history of the first half of the 20^th century. Instead, the book struggles with the question of how something like that could happen in such a modern society as France – which at the turn of that century touted itself to be. To some extent, according to the article, the Dreyfus Affair was a result of emotions left unchecked in elements of society that felt disempowered and, subsequently, angrily searched for explanations of the status quo. Through these traits connections are insinuated to the current right of center Tea Party movement and the Anti-Muslim sentiments of the past decade - paralleled in the trails of the Guantanamo detainees. Therefore, study of the Dreyfus affair might provide us answers on how to grapple with extreme, passionate views so they do not get out of control and ultimately impair fairness or - at worst - falsely victimize other persons.

The power of the Dreyfus case as a tool to that end may be inherent in many publicized legal proceedings. The New Yorker article states how often court cases from Scopes to Simpson provide a theater for the tensions of a given society to methodically play out. Thus records of episodes such as the Dreyfus Affair can provide particularly powerful lenses to compare to modern events. In order to believe that these comparisons are possible, the author of the book and the New Yorker article must believe in a principle tenet of the study of the history – through study of the past we can better understand who we are and can be.

The question then is whether that premise of the pursuit of studying our ancestors is actually true? Is there something that we can glean from the past to make for a better future? For that to be true there must be some things that are fundamentally human regardless of time period. If Frenchmen of the 19^th century are completely unlike Americans of the 21^st, then does the Dreyfus Affair matter at all today? Of course though, there are commonalities; we still relate to experiences found in the writings of the ancient theologians, philosophers, and storytellers. Experiences that once recognized as human can only lead to a degree of respect and empathy – if not love – in those individuals around you who share and have shared in those experiences.

It is this perspective that is a more relevant take away for today’s society than an episode of anti-Semitism at the turn of the century France. Recent outbursts of Serena Williams and Joe Wilson as well as racial undertones of rallies and violent threats of terrorists have lead many to question the degree of civility in modern society. One tactic to fight for civility is for us all to take time to recognize what we have in common and what we share.

The music of the Beatles can be study of the cultural shifts in the sixties. From clean cut rhythm and blues rockers “holding hands” to psychedelic, eastern influenced artists “doing it in the road,” the Beatles flowed with the times they helped shape. To quote Elvis Costello, a part of that involved espousing the virtues of “peace, love and understanding.” Perhaps that is a part of the music that the New Yorker can highlight to a contemplative audience; the Beatles Rock Band, the unlikeliest of sources, can remind us of values currently lacking in society. Maybe these virtues of the sixties would appeal to civility in a way tenable to both Christians and counter-culturalists alike. Maybe what society requires now is empathy for the human experience. Maybe all we need is love.

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Article referenced: http://www.newyorker.com/arts/critics/books/2009/09/28/090928crbo_books_gopnik

America at a Crossroads Street Corner

By ned * Other ned Posts

A debate has been raging this summer over an issue that impacts millions of Americans -- including the Congressmen themselves. With minimal change in decades, there is little doubt that the oldest profession in the world is in need of reform. But the question is how? Should the government provide prostitution to cover those currently unable to afford the pricey services?

Central to the debate has been the control of escalating costs and government entry into the market. Gary Hart, an independent lobbyist advocating reform, says that the public option could provide a safety net for those currently without choices for coverage. Moreover, he argues that in many street corners single providers are completely dominating the market and a public option would offer some competition to lower costs.

Others feel that costs could be controlled through private means. South Carolina’s Governor Mark Sanford is a strong advocate for increased competition by opening our borders to foreign competition – in particular Latin American providers. Others feel that this market goes through gyrations and is bound to calm down after it gets escalating costs out of its systems. Republican John Ensign points to some creative private solutions in places like Seattle. There ladies of the night are independently banding together to form co-ops where both coital care and high-interest black market loans are housed under one-roof.

Many fear that the introduction of a public option will simply undercut prices and crowd out private practitioners. Thus it could lead the way to what is known as a “Single Player System.” This was what the Johnson administration had in mind as a part of their “Really Great Society. High Five!” Voicing this fear was One-Eyed Winston at a recent convention of People of Indiscretionary Means and Parts (P.I.M.P.).

“If the government enters the market we will have no ability to compete and no choice but to fold. Its too big. It will leave thousands unemployed ... and with our skill set we would only then be able to only find employment with the government's brothel - known around here as the public's privates. Man, imagine the paperwork involved in slapping a ho'. Inefficiencies like this will only lead to bad service and desperate clients … really desperate clients,” issued Mr. Winston in a public statement.

To combat this direction, many on the far right have been accused of employing low-level scare tactics as a staple in their rhetoric. There is no base in many allegations. Abortions would not be covered under any currently proposed plan as some pro-lifers fear. Additionally, the fate of grandfathers across the country would not be left in the hands of public Madame panels that would deny services to those who desire it. Lastly, it is an outright lie that “Obama” would be enforced as a standardized safe word to further a cult of personality.

To address these concerns, Democrats hit the streets in August in a series of town hall meetings. It lead to heated discussions including when one angry Carolinian asked John Edwards if he "would refuse the public option and continue to seek care through private means … if its good enough for everybody else it should be good enough for you!”

With a clear majority in Congress, the President could push for reform. But, reform is meeting so much resistance that it looks like there will be no happy ending for all those promised change during the election. Moreover, with a speech before a joint session on health care this Wednesday, the President has chosen other priorities instead.

Disclaimer: The above has all been fabricated as an attempt at satire to make some laugh. Please enjoy as such.

Start Spreading the News

By ned * Other ned Posts

Like the gum littered on subway platforms, New Yorkers symbolize to some a clump of coldness and inconsideration to the rest of humanity. The word "coffee" from a local can almost sound as abrasive as an actual cup from a tin stand on the street at 5am on a cold February morning. As much as midtown is cramped between the hours of 8 to 8, the nose to the grindstone, “live-to-work” lifestyle pervades the city’s ethos. You cannot help but feel some collective pressure to be in motion, to engage tasks, sites, smells and to deliver as you hustle and bustle through your day.

Therefore, you might expect that I would be glad to rid myself of that city and embrace the peaceful, duderrific lifestyle of the left coast. This could be true especially when you consider how frequently I tried to embrace what “The City” had to offer only to commit faux pas that would cause any true Manhattanite to raise their nose. I proudly purchased both Mets and Yankees hats – much to the stern disappointment of my Mets fan friends and much to the mild indifference and perplexity of the Bronx Bomber bleacher bums. While living in a bastion of progressive thought known as the East Village, I voted for John McCain. I ordered pops instead of sodas and declined the offer to drink them with a straw. I attended a Decemberist concert at Bowery Ballroom before they were signed by a major label and did not have a degree in the humanities – let alone irony.

Considering myself a cultured soul, at other points I tried to take in the finer visual arts that bless New York. The Whitney is dedicated to American artists and the standing exhibit on its top floor houses big names of our tradition – Hopper, O’Keefe, and Whistler to name a few. Calder is known for his mobiles and playful geometric shapes. While in his section of that floor, I noticed a label on the wall next to a light source with canvas over it. As with other Calder pieces, the shadows hitting the canvas were geometric and delighted in constant motion. Wanting a closer look I leaned in towards the masterpiece. My admiration was only disturbed once as the security guard tapped me on the shoulder. I initially thought that I had gotten too close. That notion was corrected. “Sir, that is a window.”

Despite my best tendencies to distinguish myself as someone to poo poo, perhaps it comes with surprise that now two months removed I have a special place in my heart for New York City. New Yorkers are often mischaracterized as inconsiderate. To me instead, they are just indifferent. Encountering so many people in a New York minutes instills that survival technique. You have to be able to cope with a multitdue of sounds, sites and smells that avoidance is your only way out and saying a small-town hello to all passers-by on the street would simply be impossible.

But the cause behind this indifference is what makes New York wonderful. A diversity and vastness of people allows the Big Apple to support a diversity of activities – whether they be pillow fights in Union Square, Santa Con, or a new restaurant to try every week. This diversity of interest too creates opportunities for well-meaning but often aloof midwesterns to carve their own niche in a city that never sleeps. You can see the sights and love every new food you tried in both a Yankees and Mets hat. You just cannot expect a local to help you differentiate fine art as opposed to the mundane. That requires your own desire, resourcefulness and playful ignorance.

A Froggy Jamboree

By ned * Other ned Posts

The past decade has included its fair share of high profile legal entanglements. Big Tobacco went down. The OJ civil trail showed that if it doesn’t fit then you must owe the Brown and Goldman families damages. The law even decided the Presidency. But, for those fans of 1990s sketch comedy, we can finally put one set of legal issues behind us. The entirety of MTV’s sketch comedy show the State – which was unavailable for release due to matters of the rights to songs aired during episodes – is out now in stores on DVD.

Surrounded by the programming of Liquid Television and 120 minutes, the show is in part a product of the aesthetic of the times. Your televisions starts by blasting you with loud edgy grimy distorted music in the background to a grittily shot intro. The cast members wear their fair amount of flannel. Appealing to teens and twenty-somethings, characters of angst make their share of appearances in sketches. However, although certainly a part of the feel, the serious nature of anti-establishment, anti-selling-out, Gen-X culture is not the only characteristic that defines the show.

The State is absurd. For example, one of the shows most critically acclaimed skits is Porcupine Race Track. Perhaps the State's largest production, a string of music numbers parody My Fair Lady and dozens of other musicals around the setting of watching – as the name suggests – porcupines race. Others skits have less of a semblance of a plot or spin a few minutes around simple, innocent premises – such as a teen dealing with fact that he grew up in a barn.

Following in the tradition of Monty Python, delight in the silly was a defining characteristic of other mid-90’s comedy. Perhaps most prominently and profitably, you can cite the rise of Jim Carrey and his slaphappy Ace Ventura. With characters such as the Chicken Lady and Bellini, the Kids in the Hall drew its audience in part from being over-the-top and outlandish. To a certain extent, Mr. Show did as well from clever and sometimes wacky premises.

Goofiness though has proven to be a fad. Perhaps the change was due to 9/11 bringing a sense of reality to the zeitgeist or just a matter of trends running their course. In any case lighthearted stupidity in comedy does not garner the same appreciation as before. In the Daily Show era realism rules the day. The staged sitcom is in decline. Shot with a realistic feel, the Office, Arrested Development, and Reno 911! obscure the lines between reality and the television screen; the last of these is the current project of many of the former cast members and creative forces behind The State.

Despite this swing of the pendulum, I feel much of the comedy of the State’s time will be enduring. Along with clever wit, the absurdity when coupled with the counter-culture, Gen-X aesthetic is what makes the State and much mid-nineties comedy so intriguing. When discussing architecture Robert Venturi in the book Complexity & Contradiction in Architecture delights in spaces that put two seemingly contradictory elements together. This combination to him creates ambiguity, movement and intrigue.

The comedy of the 90’s is appealing in much the same way. Perhaps a result of the financial boom times and lack of war, the lightheartedness and carefree spirit in some of the States sketches are somehow coupled with an angst and desire to reject the status quo that grew out of Grunge and other movements. That’s why I think shows such as the State, Kids in the Hall, and Mr. Show will have staying power. That’s also why I’m crushing your head.

How Big will the Tent be?

By ned * Other ned Posts

Since the election season in November, pundits have been forecasting how the Republican Party will alter itself to avoid the results of the last balloting session. Will Palin populism mark the route of the future, is Huckabee or Romney the new Reagan, or will moderates of the Grand Old Party broaden the discourse? The topic has played out to the point where the word “rebranding” became passé in a nanosecond. Despite this amount discourse, it is certainly the case that those in the party are still not comfortable with the status quo.

From dinner tables to K Street, discussions of where to go next for the GOP have been occurring. In recent months some of those disagreements have been aired publicly. Perhaps most interestingly were the sound clip jabs thrown between heavyweights Dick Cheney, Rush Limbaugh, Colin Powell, Tom Ridge and Newt Gingrich in late May. At the peak of the ugliness of that discussion, Cheney went so far as to say that Powell "had already left the party” and that he “didn't know he [Powell] was still a Republican."

Addressing the remarks directly in a Face the Nation interview, Powell validated his Republican credentials and also eloquently rephrased his point of view regarding what this particular disagreement had revolved around. On one side Cheney and Limbaugh have been pushing for the party to remain true to the core, right-of-center principles of the past. They raised concerns that Powell and others might be suggesting throwing out the Conservative playbook. Critiquing Powell directly, Limbaugh pushed Cheney’s support for a right-leaning ideology to an extreme by stating "people in the middle of the road get run over."

On the other side, Powell, Tom Ridge and Gingrich have articulated a need for a big tent approach that engages centrists as well as conservatives in forming the party's direction. Powell feels the party should reach out and build on the base to remain relevant. In order to accomplish this Powell is pushing for dialogue where different sides of the party – especially those in the middle – help to shape its future. He is concerned that the party is moving to the right and therefore becoming representative of too narrow a slice of the population to remain a presence. Part of challenge to having this broad based dialogue as he sees it is that those who vocally oppose that right of center status quo are pushed out or quieted.

As Gingrich highlighted in his public statements, I am not sure these Cheney-Powell frames of mind are mutually exclusive. Conservative tenets can be molded to today’s perspectives. Moreover, I for one tend to favor a big tent approach. Democracy’s strength is in the power of a multitude of viewpoints forming a sophisticated direction known as the will of the people. The basis for strength in party ideals is no different. But, this open dialogue and Powell’s push for centrist inclusion might be problematic with the current party chemistry. Perhaps, embracing discourse runs against some of the fibers that make the Republican Party.

One of the many studies I read for my political science degree reviewed the internal cultures of the modern Republican and Democrat parties. In essence, the authors hypothesized that the Republican Party is top-down culture while the Democratic culture is one that operates more bottom-up. The authors cite institutional dynamics. But largely they point out how these characteristics are a factor of the backgrounds of the constituencies and leaders. To frame it one way that may oversimplify the argument, those with military and business backgrounds tend to lean Republican. In general, they are more familiar with hierarchical operations within an organization and Republican operations reflect these qualities. In other words, whether from a General, CEO, or pulpit, Republicans are used to orders coming from the top and their organizations and administrations operate more along those lines. Democrats on the other hand tend to be made up of more people brought up with a counter-cultural mindset. Consequently, Republican administrations tend to question authority and directions less and Democratic administrations house more dissent.

One might cite some of the recent discourse over health care as evidence of fragmented Democratic rule as compared to the top-down nature of the right side of the aisle. David Brooks recently highlighted in both the News Hour with Jim Lehrer and a recent New York Times column how moderate Democrats are calling into question the health care policies of Pelosi and Obama. He even makes the connection that the Blue Dog Democrats are potentially doing what moderate Republicans had trouble with during the Bush administration by thwarting a Presidential plan.

If this dynamic is the case of how the parties operate, it may seem to imply that the future of the Republican party lies either further to the right or in a place that continues the emphasize the talking points of the past as supported by Cheney and Limbaugh. However, I am not so sure that the outcome of the Cheney-Powell discussion is a done deal. If Powell is evidence, there are individuals who are willing to engage in discourse and question the status quo. So, as always, it’s a choice. The choice is for other moderate-friendly conservatives to question and shift the debate or let the top-down culture play out as it will.

Banana Fanna Foe

By ned * Other ned Posts

In middle school, I was often referred to by the name “Sned.” After it caught on, I embraced it but that was not initially the case. My friend Pat created the name using logic that a 12 year old would embrace and I, the worldlier young adult, feel embarrassed to admit.

“You see if you put an ‘S’ in front of the name, it is your gay name … isn’t that right, Sned?”

We chuckled about it and, of course, created a variety of alternative names: Swill, Stim, and Smeera were particular favorites. But then, as any friend would, he began to call me Sned in front of everybody. Our secret code became public and I was the butt of our inside joke. Because he was a persistent and gregarious person, much to my chagrin, it caught on. For the next three years, I was Sned.

Nicknames are easily associated with different social circles and periods in my life. Distinct groups of people call me certain things because that is when they knew me and what they called me. In middle school I was Sned, high school Nedinator, my college fraternity Flandizzle, New York Nedders … to name a few. I generally avoid bringing up nicknames from Elementary school. On that note, I caution all future parents to avoid naming your child something that rhymes with “ed” as it can lead to such wonderful poems such as “Ned, Ned, he wets the bed and then his face turns red and he has a big head …” But, I digress. Despite the wide variety of results coming from the base of nuh, eh, and duh, there are common trends in how my new names were established that I feel are pretty universal.

The “Sned” example highlights two potential catalysts for a nickname. First of all, there was a charismatic personality. Without Pat beating people over the head with the name to his own amusement and being a dynamic person, the herd probably would never have followed. Secondly, there was a sophomoric or mildly offensive joke involved that was at the expense of the one who bears the name. But what if the name does not make someone blush? How else can it catch on?

When I mention that one nickname I have been blessed with is “Flanders” to anyone of my generation, it usually met with nods of unspoken understanding. Ned Flanders is just that recognizable of pop culture character for anyone born after 1975. Therefore the step to call me "Flanders" is not a stretch beyond anyone’s imagination. Same thing might go for someone named Xena being introduced as "Warrior Princess." To some who love late night reruns of 90's TV classics, its so obvious and, my goodness, it divinely rolls from the tongue. For me, the simple call-someone-by-their-last-name nickname catches on for much the same reason. Some people have straightforward, hard hitting last names that are just too easy to then translate into their known name. For all of these reasons, easy derivation from the base name is one more reactant that can help make a nickname rocket take off.

Through these means my nicknames have developed despite a natural redundancy - Ned is actually a nickname in the first place. Moreover, the sum of the parts tells a story. To leverage a High Fidelity concept, the “autobiographical” sequence of my nicknames are representative of the times and stages of my life. "Nedinator" came into play at a point when Schwarzenegger's nostalgia cool was at its peak. Flanders only caught on because of the popularity of the Simpsons circa 1988 to the present. It was appropriately adjusted to “Flandizzle” at the height of Snoopisms as demonstrated by brief life of that hit MTV2 series Doggy Fizzle Televizzle. Similarly, the use of my formal nickname in potty mouth poetry in lower school was just friends using what tools second graders have available: rhyming, colors and tinkle.

As a last characteristic, nicknames are rarely your choice. Although that can sometimes cause laughter to be directed at you, what this means is that nicknames signify the number of deep connections that you have made. Nicknames are born out of moments and a level of comfort that can only come with large amounts of time spent with another individual and group. That is one reason why the Feets, Taters, Wallys, Balls, Martinis, and I of this world should all feel blessed.

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Do you have any good nickname stories? I encourage you to share them in the comments section below.

Justice is Visually Stunning

By ned * Other ned Posts

12 Angry Men reminds us that classic motion pictures are thus for simple reasons. This black and white movie’s drama creates tension through the deliberation over a high-stakes criminal trial in a single room. The clash and metamorphosis of differing opinions demonstrates that change is possible and garnered a Best Picture nomination – losing to the stellar The Bridge Over the River Kwai. Aside from the deliberation room, the only other setting in the movie is the entrance of a famous New York City municipal center.


Unlike the simplicity of 12 Angry Men, the New York State Supreme Court building at 60 Centre Street in New York City grandly casts a shadow on Foley Square below. The elevated portico harkens to the past with a Greek temple façade that masks more modern art deco masterpieces inside. In the latter style, the internal rotunda is painted with scenes from courtrooms of different Western cultures that our judicial tradition is built upon. I was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to serve on jury duty in this same building. The friezes in our waiting room highlighted a heroic vision of New York City’s majesty with a degree of handmade detail that modern buildings lack.

The building is fitting for our conception of the legal profession. The formal stylings match the suits and selected diction of the lawyers and clerks inside. Its gold embossed print and marble also suggested another side to the legal profession hyped in populous discourse – its money. The main street hatred of Wall Street spills over to the “fat cat lawyer.” Moreover, with people flocking to Ikea and Wal-Mart, the modern day consumer desires value as much as prestige. Perhaps the legal profession needs retooling for the post-Great Recession age.

A few models are emerging for a different type of law firm – or Law 2.0 as some call it. A few miles from the courthouse one New York law firm is an example of a growing trend. The firm Axiom is searching to find a model that minimizes costs and maximizes value to its clients. The Axiom plan revolves around lawyers based from home or at the client site instead of a law office with varying engagements and pricing structures. All of this work is to diminish overhead costs and the bottom line for the customer. Entrepreneurial ventures like this seems more fit in simple modern buildings such as Google’s headquarters.

But, I hope that our legal architecture remains rooted in the past. Places like the New York Supreme Courthouse in New York City evoke grandeur and formality. Our legal system is a peculiar institution. Built by mortals and tradition, it is often called imperfect. But, with decentralized power and faith in everyday citizens through juries, its structure strives to engage all instead of few in the power of a state. Distributing power that often corrupts the weak and strong alike. Those are high ideals that require a cathedral and not a campus.

You've Done too Much; Much too Young

By ned * Other ned Posts

The annals of history are filled with famous men of character reversing sides. Paul went from persecuting to embracing Christianity. You could view the trade of Babe Ruth to the Yankees from the rival Red Sox from this perspective as well. But, not all historically significant changes of heart end up being considered with reverence. With Benedict Arnold, Karl Malone and Garth Brooks switching to the losing sides of England, the Lakers, and Chris Gains respectively; history has deemed them traitors.

I too have had a change of heart of epic proportions. For the majority of my pop music consumption, I have had a vocal aversion to bands with women leads. A part of it was aesthetics. The voices of many female leads of pop acts are less sultry or rich than whiney, nasally and thin (e.g. Tegan and Sarah). This is not to say that all male acts have exquisite voices (e.g. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah!). But, at least I can sing along to them and my dog does not bark at the stereo. Additionally, part of my distaste was likely caused by a hint of male pride – for what young adult male would say they attended Lilith Fair.

The Author in Days of Yore

This is no longer the case now. My heart and ears are all a flitter with a few indie crushes. Neko Case’s coronet voice is much like her red hair – not subtle but interesting and colorful. Bringing in the ranks of Elvis Costello and Conor Oberst as fans and collaborators, Jenny Lewis is well beyond her Troop Beverly Hills days. Lastly, I am hopeful that Zooey Deschanel – front woman of She & Him and friend of the elves - will eventually see the error of her ways in engaging Ben Gibbard and seek me out.

What might explain this reversal? In the past my wallet would at times make exceptions to my general anti-estrogen stance. Perhaps that might be a good place to find what’s underneath my inclinations. One such feminine purchase was the 3rd Wave Ska act known as the Dance Hall Crashers. The album was initially inserted into my case logic CD binder in 1997 – at the height of the two-tone craze. Ska was rocking the suburbs at that time with popular acts such as Reel Big Fish, the Mighty Mighty Bosstones, and Sublime. From that indicator, it’s not too difficult to make the leap that my choices have been influenced by trends. Perhaps my taste (or distaste) has simply been a product of the times.

Like many of my era, my gateway music was grunge and punk. Bands like Nirvana, Soundgarden, and Green Day dominated my music and also the airwaves of college/alternative/indie rock stations. The aggregate of early to mid 90’s music created this grimy masculine aesthetic - apparently also with male leads as demonstrated by my top of mind examples.

Clearly then I am a victim of society! Alt-rock, my genre of choice, must have been male dominated and is now becoming less so. Moreover, with bands like the Yeah Yeah Yeahs for the collegiate type and Paramore for the teenybopper and my indie crushes, intuition suggests this hypothesis to be true.

Being in the scientific age, this speculation needs statistical backing. As a data source, I turn to Spin Magazine for a couple of reasons. The magazine is a good source for the pool of music I would have been exposed to: its slightly less mainstream than Rolling Stone and broader in tastes than say the Alternative Press. Most importantly it has existed for a duration long enough to cover from 1992 (the year I entered middle school) to the present.

To show that alt-rock has been dominated by men, I took the magazine’s yearly top ten albums from 1990 to 2008 and categorized each along two lines: Male lead or Female/Mixed lead and Rock or Non-Rock. Non-Rock ended up essentially being hip-hop, R&B, and electronica, and Rock albums - coming from Spin - are then alt-rock (aka the population of albums that would potentially make it to my Discman). My hypothesis was that the number of female leads of critically acclaimed alt-rock albums has risen of late. If correct, my tastes have been driven by supply.

And the results ….

Basically, there is no correlation or trend when it comes to alt-rock acts and female leads. The grimy sound of the 90’s produced a number of successes including Liz Phair, Veruca Salt, PJ Harvey, and Hole. In other words, there was no shortage of critically acclaimed women acts in the indie universe. If anything, there are less now according to the editors of Spin.

So, what can we infer? If society is not the reason then it must be internal. This can only mean one thing. A challenge faced by many after college. Perhaps my greatest fear.

I am turning into a wuss and an adult. Verifying statistics: at a restaurant I am just as likely to order a glass of wine as beer. I have more sweaters than sweatshirts. I look forward to getting a good night’s sleep. I guess it is time to face facts.

With that said, I am off to listen to the sounds of Kate Nash as I head to my Yoga class.

The Adult Author Today