America at a Crossroads Street Corner

By ned * Other ned Posts

A debate has been raging this summer over an issue that impacts millions of Americans -- including the Congressmen themselves. With minimal change in decades, there is little doubt that the oldest profession in the world is in need of reform. But the question is how? Should the government provide prostitution to cover those currently unable to afford the pricey services?

Central to the debate has been the control of escalating costs and government entry into the market. Gary Hart, an independent lobbyist advocating reform, says that the public option could provide a safety net for those currently without choices for coverage. Moreover, he argues that in many street corners single providers are completely dominating the market and a public option would offer some competition to lower costs.

Others feel that costs could be controlled through private means. South Carolina’s Governor Mark Sanford is a strong advocate for increased competition by opening our borders to foreign competition – in particular Latin American providers. Others feel that this market goes through gyrations and is bound to calm down after it gets escalating costs out of its systems. Republican John Ensign points to some creative private solutions in places like Seattle. There ladies of the night are independently banding together to form co-ops where both coital care and high-interest black market loans are housed under one-roof.

Many fear that the introduction of a public option will simply undercut prices and crowd out private practitioners. Thus it could lead the way to what is known as a “Single Player System.” This was what the Johnson administration had in mind as a part of their “Really Great Society. High Five!” Voicing this fear was One-Eyed Winston at a recent convention of People of Indiscretionary Means and Parts (P.I.M.P.).

“If the government enters the market we will have no ability to compete and no choice but to fold. Its too big. It will leave thousands unemployed ... and with our skill set we would only then be able to only find employment with the government's brothel - known around here as the public's privates. Man, imagine the paperwork involved in slapping a ho'. Inefficiencies like this will only lead to bad service and desperate clients … really desperate clients,” issued Mr. Winston in a public statement.

To combat this direction, many on the far right have been accused of employing low-level scare tactics as a staple in their rhetoric. There is no base in many allegations. Abortions would not be covered under any currently proposed plan as some pro-lifers fear. Additionally, the fate of grandfathers across the country would not be left in the hands of public Madame panels that would deny services to those who desire it. Lastly, it is an outright lie that “Obama” would be enforced as a standardized safe word to further a cult of personality.

To address these concerns, Democrats hit the streets in August in a series of town hall meetings. It lead to heated discussions including when one angry Carolinian asked John Edwards if he "would refuse the public option and continue to seek care through private means … if its good enough for everybody else it should be good enough for you!”

With a clear majority in Congress, the President could push for reform. But, reform is meeting so much resistance that it looks like there will be no happy ending for all those promised change during the election. Moreover, with a speech before a joint session on health care this Wednesday, the President has chosen other priorities instead.

Disclaimer: The above has all been fabricated as an attempt at satire to make some laugh. Please enjoy as such.